take the long road and walk it

back in oregon, looking, searching, trying to find my place here. i have been away, grown, learned, traveled and embraced a different culture.
i have had little motivation to get out re-insert myself back into the world. i don't want to conform to the rules/expectations that i lived by before. i have my own rules and expectations for myself that i live by now.
and i dont know what i what to do. i'd love to do something creative, make something, be active..finding it ..
until then i need something, something ...to keep me occupied,inspiration, some fun..

alejandro

i love Alejandro. i love listening to it in the car, at home, while running, drunk rolling around on the floor.
i have been thinking a lot about relationships. this has was brought on by the series finale of the hills. i never watch/got into/cared about this show. but being home a lot - Ive seen a lot of the last season. Kristen and Brody's relation fake or real i can relate too. i have a Brody. i love him, he sees us as mates. he tells me about all the hot babes he wants to hook up with cause he can't be with the girl he really wants. we fight, i get upset, we make up and back to being close again. my friends want me to ditch him, but i just cant seem to shake him from my system.our relationship has withstood time, distance and tricky situations. and every now and then he will surprise me, does something sweet and he is there if i need him. he is overseas and i am here. the rest is still unwritten.

scream at the top of your lungs

over one month in America. home sick for some nz lovin'. still looking for work, which has left me jaded and unmotivated.
I did get to spent a few days in cali, soaking up some sun, time on the boat and bonding time with my dad.
I would really love a night on the town. a fancy night. dressed up. cocktails and dancing until 3am. I would also like the girls and guys from nz to be there, cause no one know how to party like a nz'er.
i don't for seeing this happening anytime soon since i live in fg. one thing about living in fg, is that it is so far from everything- pain- your driving home and you just want to be there but wait you live in fg so it takes forever and you want to scream.

no i will not kill bambi

i am a poor hunter. not hunting cute animals but jobs. i get to distracted doing other things i actually like doing- like watching the hills to take the time to look for work. it does not help that the job market is poo and i feel like everything i apply for im over qualified.

not that i am qualify to do much and BS and teaching degree, that is not recognized, will not get you far. like i can be a waitress or drive a bus. my roommate suggest driving a bus, i can hardly remember which side of the road i meant to be driving on, can't parallel park and danger to all other people driving.

so bus driving is out. for now. unless i get really desperate. then watch out.

why i need a boat

i need a boat to be popular and to find a potential husband.

my family boats growing up and it was the best. the greatest thing about summer was/is going to the lake and spending the whole day on boat. intertubbing, water skiing, wake boarding and playing. we had bbq on the lake unitl the bbq went over board. i love being at the lake on a boat. trips down to lake shatsa were also a highlight of summer/boating time. a week of skiing, amazing water and fun.

getting back to why i need a boat, to be popular. i have just come back after living overseas and don't know too many people in ol' fg. thus i need a boat to make friends.

to find a potential husband. by making myself popular this will give me exposure to a wide demographic of people including single males between the ages of 23-30 years. for this group myself and roommate could possibly find a husband- which my dad feels i am incapable of doing as he asks family friends to set me up. anyway meeting husbands. yes

and that is why i need a boat, please dad :)

dreams of Olivia Wilde

i don't think megan fox is hot. i don't at all. she's pretty and has a nice body but she is not the sex pot of goodness everyone says she is, to me at least. am i missing something? Olivia wilde, yep she is hot.

my hay-fever is driving me crazy. just crazy. took one kind that was supposed to last 24 hour but didn't, the next one makes me very sleepy, i have to take it serval times a day and i feel slightly off too- my skin is itchy now too, not just my ears eyes, and nose.

i am meant to be looking for work but so far i have been downloading music, watching a lot of food tv, laying in the sun, pretending that a job will magically land in my lap and running. the motivation to look is low and i know, i know i need to get off my ass and do something about it. i have spent the last two weeks getting my sister ready to send back space camp, moving, unpacking, packing and dreaming.

this weeks- i get down to bussiness and my shit together. i hope.

leaving on a jet plane

leaving nz today after five and half years. thats along time. i had a life here without swimming for the first time in my life. i completed school twice, even if doesn't count in the US.

i lived on both islands and have met people from around the world. hiked in the mountains and laid on the beaches. went to Australia and Rarotonga, places i had only dreamed on going before.

i have made life long friends and have so many wonderful memories. it was hard at the start, no doubt. but sticking through it was well worth it. i feel incredibility to lucky to live in nz. it was given me a new outlook on what i want from my life, i have tested my limits of comfort and what i believed was possible and come out the other side not too much worse from the wear.

i got to reinvent my self by living here for the better i feel, i shed all the insecurities that i had carried with me for so long. all i want to say is thank you. for everything