man, those are some sexy arms

I've hit the two month moving blues a few days early. it happened when i moved so long ago. everything is new and great and your are so excited by all the new happy things, you are so happy!!
then reality hit, this is your life that you will live. you are not on vacation, you don't get to go back to your life, which is now your old life, and go back to the things that a familiar and comforting.
i didn't think moving back to or would be a huge change or shock, o how wrong was i. culture shock for sure.
i grew up here, but really become an adult over there. tried things, made mistakes, learned, met amazing people, drank huge amounts of alcohol.
yes everyone is very nice and they actually will get in touch if you give them your number, even if they can't remember who you are...but hey he turns out to have really sexy arms..
i miss the comforts, picking up the phone to talk to my family and friends,the dog coming in every morning to wake me up.
i don't know what will come for me in the next few months, there are a few exciting things starting- looking forward to seeing where they go. two months blues might be here today but not for long.

ugly people need not apply

worst. sleep. ever. worry about every choice I've made over the past 2 months. more recently who i have been some time with. did i do something wrong, has it gone belly up before it even started? this happens to me alot so i wouldn't be surprised, but the thing is it still hurts- alot, like its not fun.

you feel horrible, like will this ever work out for me, will i ever get it right, how do i feel comfortable in this situation, how do i know that he will get back to me? and you don't it's a chance you have to make, and for the first few times when your young- you bounce back easily for this, as you get older- it not pretty.

i haven't been in a relationship for 4 years and one that i was enjoy full heartedly for 7 years. 7 years...whoa ...i don't know maybe I'm too picky and discounting some because they aren't hot enough, be cause my sister told me that's the only kind of guy i go for. which hurt because i like to believe that I'm not that shallow of a person, but apparently i am.

where was i going, not sure. i don't know when i should be worried or not. but i should not be and if it meant to be it will work out, he will get back to me, my nerves will be a rest, for now..

take the long road and walk it

back in oregon, looking, searching, trying to find my place here. i have been away, grown, learned, traveled and embraced a different culture.
i have had little motivation to get out re-insert myself back into the world. i don't want to conform to the rules/expectations that i lived by before. i have my own rules and expectations for myself that i live by now.
and i dont know what i what to do. i'd love to do something creative, make something, be active..finding it ..
until then i need something, something ...to keep me occupied,inspiration, some fun..

alejandro

i love Alejandro. i love listening to it in the car, at home, while running, drunk rolling around on the floor.
i have been thinking a lot about relationships. this has was brought on by the series finale of the hills. i never watch/got into/cared about this show. but being home a lot - Ive seen a lot of the last season. Kristen and Brody's relation fake or real i can relate too. i have a Brody. i love him, he sees us as mates. he tells me about all the hot babes he wants to hook up with cause he can't be with the girl he really wants. we fight, i get upset, we make up and back to being close again. my friends want me to ditch him, but i just cant seem to shake him from my system.our relationship has withstood time, distance and tricky situations. and every now and then he will surprise me, does something sweet and he is there if i need him. he is overseas and i am here. the rest is still unwritten.

scream at the top of your lungs

over one month in America. home sick for some nz lovin'. still looking for work, which has left me jaded and unmotivated.
I did get to spent a few days in cali, soaking up some sun, time on the boat and bonding time with my dad.
I would really love a night on the town. a fancy night. dressed up. cocktails and dancing until 3am. I would also like the girls and guys from nz to be there, cause no one know how to party like a nz'er.
i don't for seeing this happening anytime soon since i live in fg. one thing about living in fg, is that it is so far from everything- pain- your driving home and you just want to be there but wait you live in fg so it takes forever and you want to scream.

no i will not kill bambi

i am a poor hunter. not hunting cute animals but jobs. i get to distracted doing other things i actually like doing- like watching the hills to take the time to look for work. it does not help that the job market is poo and i feel like everything i apply for im over qualified.

not that i am qualify to do much and BS and teaching degree, that is not recognized, will not get you far. like i can be a waitress or drive a bus. my roommate suggest driving a bus, i can hardly remember which side of the road i meant to be driving on, can't parallel park and danger to all other people driving.

so bus driving is out. for now. unless i get really desperate. then watch out.

why i need a boat

i need a boat to be popular and to find a potential husband.

my family boats growing up and it was the best. the greatest thing about summer was/is going to the lake and spending the whole day on boat. intertubbing, water skiing, wake boarding and playing. we had bbq on the lake unitl the bbq went over board. i love being at the lake on a boat. trips down to lake shatsa were also a highlight of summer/boating time. a week of skiing, amazing water and fun.

getting back to why i need a boat, to be popular. i have just come back after living overseas and don't know too many people in ol' fg. thus i need a boat to make friends.

to find a potential husband. by making myself popular this will give me exposure to a wide demographic of people including single males between the ages of 23-30 years. for this group myself and roommate could possibly find a husband- which my dad feels i am incapable of doing as he asks family friends to set me up. anyway meeting husbands. yes

and that is why i need a boat, please dad :)